why can't we be more than friends?

She done cut me off from a good good love She told me that those days were gone Now I'm sitting here going half crazy I know she still thinks about me too There ain’t no way in hell, that I can be just friends with you I wish we never did it I wish we never loved it I wish I never felt so deep in love with you and now ain't no way we can be friends. The way it felt, no faking it Maybe we were moving just a little too fast What we've done we can’t take it back Now I’m sitting here half way crazy Ain't no telling’ what we could have been, Ain't telling what we could've been If I knew it would end like this I never would have kissed ya, 'cause I fell in love with ya We never would've kicked it, 'cause now everything's different I lost my only lover and my friend that's why I wished we never did it ((Trey Songz, Can't be Friends))

Delete her number.

Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place.

Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself from her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you don’t get to see her face. Not anymore. You don’t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you.

She loves you.

She has been in love with you for too long.

So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts.

Forget her.

Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point — sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you don’t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with “things as they are” and you will have time to “figure it out” later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her.

Don’t tell her that you think about her all the time. Don’t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that you’re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Don’t tell her that this isn’t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldn’t have to wait for the right moment.

Don’t tell her that you can’t handle ultimatums, that you don’t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship — whatever still remains of it.

What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.

Doggedly loyal to you.

That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reach out to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, haven’t you heard?

She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. That’s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now.

Right now.

But if you choose not to love her now, you can’t choose to love her later. — Lauren Hooper

A SOULFUL RELATIONSHIP

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem, make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious. If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare, and control? What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter him or her. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life", you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship! Seeking status, sex, wealth, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. What keeps a relationship strong? Communication, intimacy, trust, a sense of humor, sharing household tasks, some getaway time without business or children and daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note). Leave a nice message on the voicemail or send a nice email. Sharing common goals and interests. Growth is important. Grow together, not away from each other, giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure. Allow your mate to have outside interest. You can't always be together. Give each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment. Don't try to control one another. Learn each other's family situation. Respect his or her parents regardless. Don't put pressure on each other for material goods. Remember for richer or for poorer. If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty, and pain replace the passion. The difference between 'United' and 'Untied' is where you put the i. By Rev. Ronald McFadden

Remember that ....

I lika a Man who ....

• can teach me something • is confident but not arrogant • commands respect • is an optimist • is not stuck in the past...who did/said what to him, etc. • has varied interests • appreciates the security of stability and strong relationships • has a great sense of humor and doesn't take things too seriously • treats others well • is friendly/sociable • is creative and has a vivid imagination • respects the value of mutual compromise • is sincere • is encouraging • is dependable • is consistent • talks about something other than his past or himself...all...the...time... • handles pressure/stressful situations without letting others see him sweat • understands that honesty may make him slightly vulnerable but never weak • embraces his roles as a provider and protector

Have you forgotten me, she asks? Do you not remember our long walks under unforgiving October suns Barefoot – the baking earth melting our soles I miss your grandmas cucumber A perfect heat remedy Or how she sealed her wisdom in a jar of peanut butter Every spoon full making your bones remember the song of your birth And did I not pour all of times sands into you Using my hands Also borrowing all three hands of time To massage and rub honey and warmth into making you spread your wings Yet today you tell me to leave You say you are an unfortunate lover She says, what is this new song you sing? Chorused with a cacophony of apologies Forget the dreams we forged but do not forget my name For my tears will testify against you And my tongue will tell of the ways you made home in thighs How you made my body quiver I tell her our love was young Little did I know hearts do not number days as minds do And my heart was an unreachable mainland I kept an archipelagos of lovers This is what I thought made me a king… “her forgot me not” by tapiwa mugabe

Death is a challenge. It tells us not to waste time. It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other. ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

Let 2016 be the year you let go of others perceptions of you and become who you know yourself to be. Go wild, be crazy, get sexy, be funny, be bold, let yourself go and discover a brand new world within yourself. Be brave enough to bring this world to life. That is what life is all about! ~ Mastin Kipp

I still love the people I love ... even if it means crossing the street to avoid him

sending love and light

The most high is so good to me even when I'm not good to myself ....

there clearly dating but neither one wants to define it or say it out loud (don't want to jinx it) .... sounds familiar

Our intimacy feels so familiar, so right, so real Its where we want to be Its where we were meant to be Its what we both need however when its time to leave - you've never asked me to stay. "Its because of Her" you say "Her?" (blank stare/mass confusion) "Yes there has always been a Her" (Light bulb, blonde moment) that's why you've never asked me to stay. Fck you

truth is

I make mistakes. I have flaws. My being is comprised of imperfections. They are buried deep within me. I am insecure, and complex, and fragile, and sensitive. I desperately hope that no one can tell. Some mornings I am self conscious and look at my body with disapproval and disdain. I hide my gap toothed smile. I cross my arms so you can not see the way I have chewed my nails almost to the bone. I am anxious. I spend lots of time in the darkness and lurking in my own shadows. I am… afraid. On occasion, I am not brave. I do not possess the strength you assume. I sometimes say the wrong things. I avoid sharing the concealed parts of me. I cry…a lot. I won’t admit it, but some nights I just want to fall in love. I am confused, and frustrated, and lost and discouraged. I am often worried about the future and sometimes resentful of the past. I am abstract. I am intense. I am depthless; yet shallow. I am courageous; yet fearful. I am loud; yet unheard. I am beautiful; yet offensive. I am gathered; but in shambles. I am chaos. I am order. I am all of these things and none. I am a contradiction. I am a woman. I am only human. I am me and my beauty lies in the simplicity of my complexity. (www.themoxiemodus.com)

I pity the woman who will love you when I am done. She will show up to your first date with a dustpan and broom, ready to pick up all the pieces I left you in. She will hear my name so often it will begin to dig holes in her. That is where doubt will grow. She will look at your neck, your thin hips, your mouth, wondering at the way I touched you. She will make you all the promises I did and some I never could. She will hear only the terrible stories. How I drank. How I lied. She will wonder (as I have) how someone as wonderful as you could love a monster like the woman who came before her. Still, she will compete with my ghost. She will understand why you do not look in the back of closets. Why you are afraid of what’s under the bed. She will know every corner of you is haunted by me. Clementine von Radics

running ...

Because I always feel like running Not away, because there is no such place Because, if there was I would have found it by now Because it's easier to run Easier than staying and finding out you're the only one Who didn't run Because running will be the way your life and mine Will be described As in "the long run" Or as in having given someone a "run for his money" Or as in "running out of time" Because running makes me look like everyone else Though I hope there will never be cause for that Because I will be running in the other direction Not running for cover Because if I knew where cover was I would stay there and never have to run for it Not running for my life Because I have to be running for something of more value To be running and not in fear Because the thing I fear cannot be escaped Eluded, avoided, hidden from, protected from, gotten away from Not without showing the fear as I see it now Because closer, clearer, no sir, nearer Because you of you and because of that nice That you quietly, quickly be causing And because you're going to see me run soon And because you're going to know why I'm running then You'll know then Because I'm not going to tell you now ― Gil Scott-Heron, Now and Then...

wherever I go I be looking for him ... love and light

and those are my issues

I know I'm easy going and a lot laid back ... not to make up excuses but past experiences, insecurities, uncertainties, disappointments and most of all fear - fear of failure, fear of criticism; have left a bitter taste in my mouth when it comes to a "love love relationship" I had gotten into a routine that I was quite comfortable with. now that I've found myself here, I'm just a bit hesitant, reluctant and scared. those are my issues.

Love is an action … yet some people still refer to its power as a noun …

for women who are 'difficult' to love. ~ Warsan Shire

You are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

 1. There’s a reason schools teach Shakespeare instead of John Green; you make your own life, it’s not written in the stars, waiting to start until you find that person with the perfect smile
2. People are a hell of a lot smart than you think. Shut your mouth, stop thinking you know everything, and listen.

3. Getting close and being vulnerable is scary as hell, But you know what else it is? Worth it.

4. Reason really is the doctor to love.

5. The moment you feel your happiness being dictated by another person, take a break from them.

6. Take a step back and look around, you have more friends than you think.

7. Growing up is going to happen and it’s going to be tough. Just stay close to those around you, you’re all in it together.

8. If you’re still checking their Facebook/Instagram/tumblr, you’re never going to get over them.

9. Everything seems worse in the morning. Don’t fall for it, it’s deceiving.

10. No need to be so intense all the time. People get tired of swimming in the deep end, sometimes they need a break in the shallow part of the pool.

11. Stop avoiding everything. Get out of bed, get dressed, go to school, go to work. It sucks at first but it’s part of the healing process.

12. If the person makes you feel like shit and you still go back to them, it’s an abusive relationship.

13. Headphones are great, but listen to music aloud every once in a while. Sometimes you need to scream a song so everyone can hear you.

14. Boundaries are a must.

15. You can be a caring person, but you need to be happy with yourself before you try to make others happy.

16. Try and understand other’s intentions and situation before you get angry with them.

17. Tough love is necessary sometimes.

18. You can’t fix people no matter how hard you try. Get this engrained in your mind.

19. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you.

20. Loneliness is lethal and makes you have a distorted view of things.

21. No one hates you more than you hate yourself. Stop being your own enemy.

22. Someone can only hurt your feelings if you allow them to.

23. Getting your shit back in order is five times as hard as it is to mess it all up.

24. Listen to your parent’s advice.

25. Be open to anything and everything. Life isn’t fun when you’re a closed book.

26. Talking about your problems is great, but there comes a point when talking about it becomes dwelling on the past and it drains everyone around you. Know when you’ve hit this point.

27. A lot of people don’t like their shit showing. More people than you know are going through hard times.

28. Distract yourself.

29. Don’t be so easily swayed, a lot of claims out there are not true.

30. Some seasons of your life are harder than others. This too shall pass. 


30 Things I Learned During the 30 Worst Days of my Life: November 2013