I saw you the other day … and it dawned on me that I don’t remember us ever saying goodbye, but I know that you’re gone and I miss our friendship. I wish that it didn’t have to end on such a sour sucky note but it did, I guess its true what they say everything has its season and reason.

The void our friendship left had me broken and I felt totally abandoned, (only for a minute) but I’m also a stronger paerson today because of the knowledge you’ve left with me, you’ve showed me there’s nothing I couldn’t do, be or have once I put my mind to it.

I only called today to say Thank You for the lessons learned, and I’ve appreciated each moment and valued our time - I wish you all the best that life and love will offer you.

Goodbye, unspoken words



*sending you love and light, now I'mma drop it

Dear Life,

Thank You for a place where unconditional love is given and received

We spend January walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives ... not looking for flaws, but for potential.


~Ellen Goodman

Friendships are not to be judged cause people are people (so they say). Granted people are human beings first and yes people make mistakes but when the effery hits the fan how do you know when to forgive, when to move on, and when to do both?




I’ll leave that up to you and your intuition.

Promise yourself to accept life as it comes

and truly make each day special~~

to become more independent and more

willing to change ~~

to fill your life with special times,

and make your dreams come true.

~~~Deanna Beisser

 

 

(Promise Yourself)

 

 

I PROMISE

#nowPlaying: Monica ft. Rick Ross and Lil Kim, Anything to find you

"Gotta know, Is he out there some where, is he out there waiting for me, for me
Is he out there some where, is he out there waiting for me ....."

I dont offer advice. EVER. I use to but now *bleh*

5 reasons why I don’t give advice:

1. 99.99% of the time the person who wants the advice knows exactly what they are going to do anyway.

2. People will generally use the advise you give them to counter-criticize you. Yes I have been called self-righteous and judgmental.

3. People generally don’t want advice; they want a sounding board.

4. Your advice could be wrapped in hundred dollar bills … if a person isn’t ready to receive the life lesson they won’t get it.

5. Sometimes giving advice is like the equivalent of peddling bullshit. Often times where something may have worked for you; it won’t work with others.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

~Author unKnown

Took this love for granted. Kept my feelings underground. Should have watered what I planted. Should have known what I have found. I'm not used to being lonely I don't like the way it sounds. You're the only one I know Who don't turn me upside-down

#nowplaying; Take Me as I Am - Mary J. Blige

".. She has no regrets She accepts the past All these things they help to make she"

"Yesterday, I cried.

I came home, went straight to my room,

sat on the edge of my bed,

kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,

and I had myself a good cry.

...Yesterday I cried with an agenda."


— Iyanla Vanzant (Yesterday, I Cried)

my 2011 mantra

Grant me the strength within to love all living things and to make a positive impact on all I encounter today. May I attract positive people and circumstances to me that I may be more effective in my undertakings. May no one be too important nor too unimportant to greet with a kind word.

I seek the strength to live completely in love, as I release my fears. I grant forgiveness for all I hold against myself and for all I hold against another. May I be a tool for healing in the world. I ask for the fortitude to be the embodiment of selfless harmony to the extent I am able today.

I will be generous with my time, resources, and myself to the best of my ability without resentment or reluctance. For I know that what I give others I give to myself as well.

I seek happiness, peace, and freedom from suffering today. As such I wish it for all other beings as well. I am thankful for all that I have been given. I am especially grateful for the beauty and harmony that exists all around me, if only I am willing to see it.

Finally, I seek a patient acceptance as events unfold in my life. Help me to see the big picture and not get bogged down by unimportant details. I understand that all my experiences are chosen by me at some level for my benefit. Thus, I seek to understand, to learn and to open myself to every wonderful possibility.

Amen

~Author Unknown

he doesn't know it

... Whenever he calls me "sweety" I melt a little inside

... A tiny little "I'm sorry. It was my fault. Please forgive me" would squash everything between us

... I will never, ever be his, bear his children, or marry him. No matter what

... In the short time we were together I kinda fell for him *hard*

... I'd give him "carte blanc" in the bedroom, no commitment necessary

... He was my first true love

... I only use him for an ego boost

... While I play the friend role, I'm secretly waiting out his relationship

... If I didn't have him in my life I couldn't go on

One That Got Away

Everybody has that one person that for whatever reason a relationship never really jump started and you are left wondering what if. ***sigh***

I miss my one that got away (I wonder if he thinks of me every now and then)

I wonder if it's possible that I might be someone’s “one that got away”

life as I see it ...

the highest point in my life; was the birth of my first son; for a split second he made my relationship with "him' feel like it was worth holding on ...

the lowest point in my life; is that i've lost control of who i am and strayed from that strong person that i use to be; by allowing my relationship with "him" to define who i am as a person ...

Don't worry I'll catch you if you fall ... but who's going to catch me if I fall ... hmmmm ...

Sometimes we begin to fall for the person who has been our rock during a hard time, someone we have known for years, someone that we feel comfortable with for various reasons such as: they have respected boundaries and really stuck around without any expectations other than to just be there for you when all you needed was a friend, they know some of your best and worst qualities and still want to be around you, they have heard the stories both good and bad and do not pass judgment on you, and they are already familiar with your personality strengths and weakness and understand you pretty well, so it is not surprising that one day you might wake up and see your friend in a new light.

So what now?


“To think, all those years of dating the wrong guys and the right one was under your nose the whole time”

If I knew how to let you go .... don't you think I would have done that already

Conceptual. Factual. Me.

I can honestly and truly say that I am finding my happy place. It was there all along, I just had to choose to be am happy. If given a choice between happiness and sadness, I'm sure you would choose to be happy too, but will you? Do you?

I now realize that for me to become who I am, I had to first experience what I am not. I had to endure pain and discomfort to desire happiness and security. If I hadn't been tested by the trials of life, I would be complacent and never desire growth or change on a physical level or a spiritual level. Let me be the first to tell you, life has dished out some tough experiences that had my soul trapped in hell and kept me sobbing profusely.

What has changed? My perspective. My experiences have been there to show me who it is that I really am. It took realizing this to escape from my self tormenting hell. I have broken the shackles of my soul from the ball and chain of my mind. I am now free to experience living without feeling like the world is out to get me. I am now free to make choices between two things without feeling that one is right or wrong. I now look at things by what it will do to help me grow as a person in order to experience all that life has to offer me, rather than what worldy desires I can gain out of it. I spend my days searching to discover and rediscover who I am and who I want to be.

I like to say that I'm a girl who is habitually vague. Somewhat accomplished. Somewhat a failure. Gave birth to a pyschic and a hell raiser, and sometimes it looks like I'm in complete control.

But really Who am I? I am a fountain of knowledge. I am unique and intriguing. I am curious and searching. I am a student, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a confidant, a survivor, and a teacher. I am honest and real. I am a great person. I am in love with myself. I am enjoying life. I am aware of my being. I am in tune with my soul. I am engaged with life. I am fond of pain. I am interested in hurt. I am enthrawled with risk. I am challenged by anger. I am relentless against denial. I am capable of anything. I am eagar for the future. I am hopeful for everyone. I am excited by experience. I am pleased with my growth. I live. I love. I learn. Who do I want to be? The best me I possibly can! Nothing more, nothing less!

I am forever learning. I am an expression of God.

don't lie

Never lie to yourself. And never lie about yourself.

When I was younger, I would lie all the time about the way that I felt. I would tell people that I was perfectly fine when I wasn't. I would tell people that I did something that I really didn't do just to look more likable.

Now, I just feel that if you lie about yourself then you lose who you are ....

.... and who you are is the most precious thing you have.