You are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn't you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can't make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
1. There’s a reason schools teach Shakespeare instead of John Green; you make your own life, it’s not written in the stars, waiting to start until you find that person with the perfect smile
2. People are a hell of a lot smart than you think. Shut your mouth, stop thinking you know everything, and listen.
3. Getting close and being vulnerable is scary as hell, But you know what else it is? Worth it.
4. Reason really is the doctor to love.
5. The moment you feel your happiness being dictated by another person, take a break from them.
6. Take a step back and look around, you have more friends than you think.
7. Growing up is going to happen and it’s going to be tough. Just stay close to those around you, you’re all in it together.
8. If you’re still checking their Facebook/Instagram/tumblr, you’re never going to get over them.
9. Everything seems worse in the morning. Don’t fall for it, it’s deceiving.
10. No need to be so intense all the time. People get tired of swimming in the deep end, sometimes they need a break in the shallow part of the pool.
11. Stop avoiding everything. Get out of bed, get dressed, go to school, go to work. It sucks at first but it’s part of the healing process.
12. If the person makes you feel like shit and you still go back to them, it’s an abusive relationship.
13. Headphones are great, but listen to music aloud every once in a while. Sometimes you need to scream a song so everyone can hear you.
14. Boundaries are a must.
15. You can be a caring person, but you need to be happy with yourself before you try to make others happy.
16. Try and understand other’s intentions and situation before you get angry with them.
17. Tough love is necessary sometimes.
18. You can’t fix people no matter how hard you try. Get this engrained in your mind.
19. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you.
20. Loneliness is lethal and makes you have a distorted view of things.
21. No one hates you more than you hate yourself. Stop being your own enemy.
22. Someone can only hurt your feelings if you allow them to.
23. Getting your shit back in order is five times as hard as it is to mess it all up.
24. Listen to your parent’s advice.
25. Be open to anything and everything. Life isn’t fun when you’re a closed book.
26. Talking about your problems is great, but there comes a point when talking about it becomes dwelling on the past and it drains everyone around you. Know when you’ve hit this point.
27. A lot of people don’t like their shit showing. More people than you know are going through hard times.
28. Distract yourself.
29. Don’t be so easily swayed, a lot of claims out there are not true.
30. Some seasons of your life are harder than others. This too shall pass.
30 Things I Learned During the 30 Worst Days of my Life: November 2013
2. People are a hell of a lot smart than you think. Shut your mouth, stop thinking you know everything, and listen.
3. Getting close and being vulnerable is scary as hell, But you know what else it is? Worth it.
4. Reason really is the doctor to love.
5. The moment you feel your happiness being dictated by another person, take a break from them.
6. Take a step back and look around, you have more friends than you think.
7. Growing up is going to happen and it’s going to be tough. Just stay close to those around you, you’re all in it together.
8. If you’re still checking their Facebook/Instagram/tumblr, you’re never going to get over them.
9. Everything seems worse in the morning. Don’t fall for it, it’s deceiving.
10. No need to be so intense all the time. People get tired of swimming in the deep end, sometimes they need a break in the shallow part of the pool.
11. Stop avoiding everything. Get out of bed, get dressed, go to school, go to work. It sucks at first but it’s part of the healing process.
12. If the person makes you feel like shit and you still go back to them, it’s an abusive relationship.
13. Headphones are great, but listen to music aloud every once in a while. Sometimes you need to scream a song so everyone can hear you.
14. Boundaries are a must.
15. You can be a caring person, but you need to be happy with yourself before you try to make others happy.
16. Try and understand other’s intentions and situation before you get angry with them.
17. Tough love is necessary sometimes.
18. You can’t fix people no matter how hard you try. Get this engrained in your mind.
19. Surround yourself with people who will love and support you.
20. Loneliness is lethal and makes you have a distorted view of things.
21. No one hates you more than you hate yourself. Stop being your own enemy.
22. Someone can only hurt your feelings if you allow them to.
23. Getting your shit back in order is five times as hard as it is to mess it all up.
24. Listen to your parent’s advice.
25. Be open to anything and everything. Life isn’t fun when you’re a closed book.
26. Talking about your problems is great, but there comes a point when talking about it becomes dwelling on the past and it drains everyone around you. Know when you’ve hit this point.
27. A lot of people don’t like their shit showing. More people than you know are going through hard times.
28. Distract yourself.
29. Don’t be so easily swayed, a lot of claims out there are not true.
30. Some seasons of your life are harder than others. This too shall pass.
30 Things I Learned During the 30 Worst Days of my Life: November 2013
10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.
~author unkown~
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.
~author unkown~
Chances are ...
Chances are, that person who was rude to you on the phone or in the checkout line was really just worried about something in their own life and it had nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally. Brush it off and move on.
Chances are, the person you spend so much time being jealous of and comparing yourself to isn’t who you think they are. He or she is likely to have a host of their own issues now; or they have grown past more hurdles than you can imagine getting to where they are. Just be you and your time will come.
Chances are, that worrying about that problem isn't going to solve it. Seek solutions and take action toward them.
Chances are you will experience a more peaceful and fulfilling life, when you take control of the reigns and live it from the inside out.
my 2011 mantra
Grant me the strength within to love all living things and to make a positive impact on all I encounter today. May I attract positive people and circumstances to me that I may be more effective in my undertakings. May no one be too important nor too unimportant to greet with a kind word.
I seek the strength to live completely in love, as I release my fears. I grant forgiveness for all I hold against myself and for all I hold against another. May I be a tool for healing in the world. I ask for the fortitude to be the embodiment of selfless harmony to the extent I am able today.
I will be generous with my time, resources, and myself to the best of my ability without resentment or reluctance. For I know that what I give others I give to myself as well.
I seek happiness, peace, and freedom from suffering today. As such I wish it for all other beings as well. I am thankful for all that I have been given. I am especially grateful for the beauty and harmony that exists all around me, if only I am willing to see it.
Finally, I seek a patient acceptance as events unfold in my life. Help me to see the big picture and not get bogged down by unimportant details. I understand that all my experiences are chosen by me at some level for my benefit. Thus, I seek to understand, to learn and to open myself to every wonderful possibility.
Amen
~Author Unknown
I seek the strength to live completely in love, as I release my fears. I grant forgiveness for all I hold against myself and for all I hold against another. May I be a tool for healing in the world. I ask for the fortitude to be the embodiment of selfless harmony to the extent I am able today.
I will be generous with my time, resources, and myself to the best of my ability without resentment or reluctance. For I know that what I give others I give to myself as well.
I seek happiness, peace, and freedom from suffering today. As such I wish it for all other beings as well. I am thankful for all that I have been given. I am especially grateful for the beauty and harmony that exists all around me, if only I am willing to see it.
Finally, I seek a patient acceptance as events unfold in my life. Help me to see the big picture and not get bogged down by unimportant details. I understand that all my experiences are chosen by me at some level for my benefit. Thus, I seek to understand, to learn and to open myself to every wonderful possibility.
Amen
~Author Unknown
There is Life and Death in the Power of the tongue ….
....something to that effect. I've always known that there is power behind every word we utter whether jokingly or straight faced, serious as a judge. Calling a child fat, stupid, ugly or lazy; stays with them for life. Or hearing you’re broken, incapable, useless, stays in your psyche and just messes you up emotionally and mentally. Hearing these words over and over you start to believe them and they keep you from doing any better.
I know because for a long time I was there.
I've learned to be very careful with what I say out of anger, spite or emotions because words are so powerful and it will impact people and/or situations.
What you say matters so much, whether it's to yourself or to someone else. It would be nice if we all took a moment to choose our words wisely.
Lets lift each other up in Positive Vibrations.
#teamsecondchances
You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. ~Ayn Rand~
We all make mistakes but learning from them is the best thing we can do!!!! Mistakes and Life Lessons are meant to make us better and push us toward who God wants us to be!!!!!
Happy Birthday ME ....
Everyday He wakes me, He gives me another chance to get it right. 525,600 minutes ... That's how many chances God gives me every year .... for that I am truly thankFull and grateFull.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee,
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife,
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man
In truth that she learned or in times that he cried
In the bridges she burned or the way that he died
It's time now to sing out though the story never ends
Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends
How about love
How about love
How about love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
....and then there was me.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee,
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife,
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life of a woman or a man
In truth that she learned or in times that he cried
In the bridges she burned or the way that he died
It's time now to sing out though the story never ends
Let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends
How about love
How about love
How about love
Measure in love
Seasons of love
Seasons of love
....and then there was me.
One That Got Away
Everybody has that one person that for whatever reason a relationship never really jump started and you are left wondering what if. ***sigh***
I miss my one that got away (I wonder if he thinks of me every now and then)
I wonder if it's possible that I might be someone’s “one that got away”
I miss my one that got away (I wonder if he thinks of me every now and then)
I wonder if it's possible that I might be someone’s “one that got away”
He should know that...
"You aren't going to be her 1st, her last, or her only... she's loved before; and she will love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect -and you're not either. If she can make you laugh and if she admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She's not going to be thinking about you every moment of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows YOU can break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she's not there. Because perfect girls don't exist, but there's always ONE girl that is perfect for you."
-Anonymous
Conceptual. Factual. Me.
I can honestly and truly say that I am finding my happy place. It was there all along, I just had to choose to be am happy. If given a choice between happiness and sadness, I'm sure you would choose to be happy too, but will you? Do you?
I now realize that for me to become who I am, I had to first experience what I am not. I had to endure pain and discomfort to desire happiness and security. If I hadn't been tested by the trials of life, I would be complacent and never desire growth or change on a physical level or a spiritual level. Let me be the first to tell you, life has dished out some tough experiences that had my soul trapped in hell and kept me sobbing profusely.
What has changed? My perspective. My experiences have been there to show me who it is that I really am. It took realizing this to escape from my self tormenting hell. I have broken the shackles of my soul from the ball and chain of my mind. I am now free to experience living without feeling like the world is out to get me. I am now free to make choices between two things without feeling that one is right or wrong. I now look at things by what it will do to help me grow as a person in order to experience all that life has to offer me, rather than what worldy desires I can gain out of it. I spend my days searching to discover and rediscover who I am and who I want to be.
I like to say that I'm a girl who is habitually vague. Somewhat accomplished. Somewhat a failure. Gave birth to a pyschic and a hell raiser, and sometimes it looks like I'm in complete control.
But really Who am I? I am a fountain of knowledge. I am unique and intriguing. I am curious and searching. I am a student, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a confidant, a survivor, and a teacher. I am honest and real. I am a great person. I am in love with myself. I am enjoying life. I am aware of my being. I am in tune with my soul. I am engaged with life. I am fond of pain. I am interested in hurt. I am enthrawled with risk. I am challenged by anger. I am relentless against denial. I am capable of anything. I am eagar for the future. I am hopeful for everyone. I am excited by experience. I am pleased with my growth. I live. I love. I learn. Who do I want to be? The best me I possibly can! Nothing more, nothing less!
I am forever learning. I am an expression of God.
I now realize that for me to become who I am, I had to first experience what I am not. I had to endure pain and discomfort to desire happiness and security. If I hadn't been tested by the trials of life, I would be complacent and never desire growth or change on a physical level or a spiritual level. Let me be the first to tell you, life has dished out some tough experiences that had my soul trapped in hell and kept me sobbing profusely.
What has changed? My perspective. My experiences have been there to show me who it is that I really am. It took realizing this to escape from my self tormenting hell. I have broken the shackles of my soul from the ball and chain of my mind. I am now free to experience living without feeling like the world is out to get me. I am now free to make choices between two things without feeling that one is right or wrong. I now look at things by what it will do to help me grow as a person in order to experience all that life has to offer me, rather than what worldy desires I can gain out of it. I spend my days searching to discover and rediscover who I am and who I want to be.
I like to say that I'm a girl who is habitually vague. Somewhat accomplished. Somewhat a failure. Gave birth to a pyschic and a hell raiser, and sometimes it looks like I'm in complete control.
But really Who am I? I am a fountain of knowledge. I am unique and intriguing. I am curious and searching. I am a student, a mother, a daughter, a friend, a confidant, a survivor, and a teacher. I am honest and real. I am a great person. I am in love with myself. I am enjoying life. I am aware of my being. I am in tune with my soul. I am engaged with life. I am fond of pain. I am interested in hurt. I am enthrawled with risk. I am challenged by anger. I am relentless against denial. I am capable of anything. I am eagar for the future. I am hopeful for everyone. I am excited by experience. I am pleased with my growth. I live. I love. I learn. Who do I want to be? The best me I possibly can! Nothing more, nothing less!
I am forever learning. I am an expression of God.
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