I like to reflect on my life and what I have accomplished up to this point. Usually, I’d get pretty down on myself. This year, however, feels different. I recognize that God has brought me a long, long way. I don’t say this arrogantly or like I have everything figured out; and my life is just peaches and cream, because its not, but rather to simply state that I have achieved some things in my life thus far, and I humbly and gratefully acknowledge that. I am finally on the road of personal growth and success and have found my niche in life and plan to put it to great use.
*I took responsibility over my actions and learned to stop blaming my past and others for the setbacks and troubles I got myself into.
*A relationship that was full of doubt and had been to hell and back ended bad (amicably)
*I found solace in being alone (relationship wise) for the first time in years and really at this point I have no complaints. I have been a serial monogamist since I first started dating practically and it feels good to not have the pressure of being good enough for someone else or living by some one's standards and semi-control.
Man, I feel like a woman, a woman who knows what she wants, and is on the path of obtaining it. I will not settle for anything less than I deserve in life, relationships, career, friendships, etc. Our time here on earth is soooo freaking precious and although sometimes feels like an eternity, it goes by like lighting and can be over in the blink of an eye.
If I make it to be old and gray I want to be able to look back and smile, be proud of, and have the peace that I tried my best to live the unique, fascinating, happy life I was intended to live.
Loving She.
Soul Symphony #2: Lady Lighthouse
// ♥ \\
She has faced trials, disappointments and triumphs.
She has weathered many storms.
Some on behalf of family and community;
some simply because she dared to be born.
But the winds, rain, and fog
and the sweeping undercurrents of a rocky sea
have only helped to grow and ground her
into the woman she was born to be.
The Soul of a Woman is a towering lighthouse,
a bridge that has been gracefully transformed.
She guides others across the rocky seas of life,
teaching them to persevere in times of storm.
\\ ♥ //
~Dr. Nesha Jenkins-Tate
Still learning,
-everything doesn't happen when you want it
-laughing is so therapeutic
-to trust my instincts
-to let go sooner, somethings just aren't meant to hold on to
-that even though we are apart, I still like him
-when opportunity knocks, rush to open the door
-I am better off than a whole lot of people, so I need to stop feeling sorry for myself
-family can take any form (friends and strangers)...and that not such a bad thing
-to breathe deeply, and exhale
-to not be afraid of threats, to live for the moment, to prepare for the end
-laughing is so therapeutic
-to trust my instincts
-to let go sooner, somethings just aren't meant to hold on to
-that even though we are apart, I still like him
-when opportunity knocks, rush to open the door
-I am better off than a whole lot of people, so I need to stop feeling sorry for myself
-family can take any form (friends and strangers)...and that not such a bad thing
-to breathe deeply, and exhale
-to not be afraid of threats, to live for the moment, to prepare for the end
Now playing: No cigarette smoking (in my room) Stephen Marley ft. Melanie Fiona
Tell me what am I supposed to do
Why you got me sitting in here waiting on you
Baby hurry hurry come back
And give me some love this afternoon
Stephen Marley feat. Melanie Fiona - No... by Reggae_Vibe
Why you got me sitting in here waiting on you
Baby hurry hurry come back
And give me some love this afternoon
Stephen Marley feat. Melanie Fiona - No... by Reggae_Vibe
Life is going to be a challenge. There will be rough times, difficult situations, things to fall into, major obstacles, hurdles, stumbling, blocks, forks in the road, knives in the back, mountains to climb, things to get over, oppositions to resolve, unpleasantness to face, feelings to understand, disappointments to accept, mysteries to solve, wonders to unfold and promises to keep to yourself. Now that you know what to expect, prepare yourself. Get ready. The only way to get to where you want to be is to do what needs to be done to get there. Do it fast. Do it slow. Do it right. Do it up. Do it in the daylight. Do it by the moonlight. Do it alone. Do it with others. Do it for free. Get paid to do it. Do it with others. Do it for the world. The moment you give up on doing it, it will never get done.
Iyanla Vanzant Acts Of Faith
Women are the beauty of life; her heart colors every rainbow, her soul brightens an angel’s sky. A woman’s beauty is her heart, she has pride and dignity and that is not to be taken away from her, she is to be respected and loved truthfully and she is not to be abused period. She is to be appreciated for the love that shines from her heart and for the beautiful glow of her soul. Never take a woman’s heart for granted for all she dreams for is unconditional love. A woman’s beauty is a love undefined
~Lee Held
~Lee Held
The Empowered Woman, she moves through the world
with a sense of confidence and grace.
Her once reckless spirit now tempered by wisdom.
Quietly, yet firmly, she speaks her truth without doubt or hesitation
and the life she leads is of her own creation.
She now understands what it means to live and let live.
How much to ask for herself and how much to give.
She has a strong, yet generous heart
and the inner beauty she emanates truly sets her apart.
Like the mythical Phoenix,
she has risen from the ashes and soared to a new plane of existence,
unfettered by the things that once that posed such resistance.
Her senses now heightened, she sees everything so clearly.
She hears the wind rustling through the trees;
beckoning her to live the dreams she holds so dearly.
She feels the softness of her hands
and muses at the strength that they possess.
Her needs and desires she has learned to express.
She has tasted the bitter and savored the sweet fruits of life,
overcome adversity and pushed past heartache and strife.
And the one thing she never understood,
she now knows to be true,
it all begins and ends with you.
~Author Unkown
with a sense of confidence and grace.
Her once reckless spirit now tempered by wisdom.
Quietly, yet firmly, she speaks her truth without doubt or hesitation
and the life she leads is of her own creation.
She now understands what it means to live and let live.
How much to ask for herself and how much to give.
She has a strong, yet generous heart
and the inner beauty she emanates truly sets her apart.
Like the mythical Phoenix,
she has risen from the ashes and soared to a new plane of existence,
unfettered by the things that once that posed such resistance.
Her senses now heightened, she sees everything so clearly.
She hears the wind rustling through the trees;
beckoning her to live the dreams she holds so dearly.
She feels the softness of her hands
and muses at the strength that they possess.
Her needs and desires she has learned to express.
She has tasted the bitter and savored the sweet fruits of life,
overcome adversity and pushed past heartache and strife.
And the one thing she never understood,
she now knows to be true,
it all begins and ends with you.
~Author Unkown
The Strength of a Man
The strength of a man
isn't seen in the width
of his shoulders.
It's seen in the width
of his arms that circle you..
The strength of a man
isn't in the deep tone
of his voice.
It's in the gentle
words he whispers...
The strength of a man
isn't how many buddies he has.
It's how good a buddy
he is with his kids...
The strength of a man isn't
in how respected he is at work.
It's in how respected
he is at home...
The strength of a man
isn't in how hard he hits.
It's in how tender
he touches...
The strength of a man
isn't in the hair on his chest.
It's in his Heart,
that lies within his chest...
The strength of a man
isn't how many women he's loved.
It's in can he be
true to one woman...
The strength of a man
isn't in the weight he can lift.
It's in the burdens
he can carry...
~Author Unknown
isn't seen in the width
of his shoulders.
It's seen in the width
of his arms that circle you..
The strength of a man
isn't in the deep tone
of his voice.
It's in the gentle
words he whispers...
The strength of a man
isn't how many buddies he has.
It's how good a buddy
he is with his kids...
The strength of a man isn't
in how respected he is at work.
It's in how respected
he is at home...
The strength of a man
isn't in how hard he hits.
It's in how tender
he touches...
The strength of a man
isn't in the hair on his chest.
It's in his Heart,
that lies within his chest...
The strength of a man
isn't how many women he's loved.
It's in can he be
true to one woman...
The strength of a man
isn't in the weight he can lift.
It's in the burdens
he can carry...
~Author Unknown
The beauty of a woman
isn't in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman
must be seen from in her eyes;
Because that's the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman
isn't in a facial mole;
But true beauty in a woman,
is reflected by her soul.
It's the caring that she cares to give,
the passion that she shows;
And the beauty of a woman
with passing years only grows.
~ Maya Angelou
isn't in the clothes she wears,
The figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman
must be seen from in her eyes;
Because that's the doorway to her heart,
the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman
isn't in a facial mole;
But true beauty in a woman,
is reflected by her soul.
It's the caring that she cares to give,
the passion that she shows;
And the beauty of a woman
with passing years only grows.
~ Maya Angelou
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
~Author unKnown
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
~Author unKnown
"She,
needs no fancy clothes
to make her look sexy
needs no man by her side
to make her feel sturdy
need to tell no lies
her honesty is her beauty
She's smart in the head
and courageous in the heart
confident in herself
and compassionsate in her thoughts
independant and able
strong and graceful
She's no ordinary woman...
She is what I call a
REAL WOMAN"
~Author Unknown
needs no fancy clothes
to make her look sexy
needs no man by her side
to make her feel sturdy
need to tell no lies
her honesty is her beauty
She's smart in the head
and courageous in the heart
confident in herself
and compassionsate in her thoughts
independant and able
strong and graceful
She's no ordinary woman...
She is what I call a
REAL WOMAN"
~Author Unknown
there are so many people that don't appreciate the ones that truly love them . .. . this song is so honest, open, vulnerable, and so sad ....
~You Don't know me, Ray Charles and Diana Krall
You give your hand to me and then you say "hello", and I can hardly speak, my heart is beating so. And anyone can tell, you think you know me well ... but you don't know me.
No, you don't know the one who dreams of you each night, and longs to kiss your lips, and longs to hold you tight. To you I'm just a friend, that's all i've ever been. No, you don't know me.
I never knew the art of making love, though my heart aches with love for you. Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by ... the chance that you migh love me too.
You give your hand to me and then you say "goodbye", and then I watched you walk away beside the lucky guy. I know you'll never know the one who loves you so... no, you don't know me.
But I never knew the art of making love, though my heart aches with love for you. Afraid and shy, I let your chance go by ... the chance that you migh love me too.
You give your hand to me and then you say "goodbye", and then I watched you walk away beside the lucky guy.
You'll never ever know the one who loves you so ... no, you don't know me. I said: YOU'LL NEVER EVER KNOW THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU SO ... no, you don't know me.
*My Best Friends Wedding
~You Don't know me, Ray Charles and Diana Krall
You give your hand to me and then you say "hello", and I can hardly speak, my heart is beating so. And anyone can tell, you think you know me well ... but you don't know me.
No, you don't know the one who dreams of you each night, and longs to kiss your lips, and longs to hold you tight. To you I'm just a friend, that's all i've ever been. No, you don't know me.
I never knew the art of making love, though my heart aches with love for you. Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by ... the chance that you migh love me too.
You give your hand to me and then you say "goodbye", and then I watched you walk away beside the lucky guy. I know you'll never know the one who loves you so... no, you don't know me.
But I never knew the art of making love, though my heart aches with love for you. Afraid and shy, I let your chance go by ... the chance that you migh love me too.
You give your hand to me and then you say "goodbye", and then I watched you walk away beside the lucky guy.
You'll never ever know the one who loves you so ... no, you don't know me. I said: YOU'LL NEVER EVER KNOW THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU SO ... no, you don't know me.
*My Best Friends Wedding
1. I am still trying to figure out my purpose in life, or what it is I want to be when I grow up.
2. Being a Mother is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had to do.
3. I'm constantly terrified of "screwing" my kids up.
4. I have to remind myself that every one has their demons to battle, my battles are so tiny to what some people go through.
5. I am addicted to Twitter; you can say so much in 140 characters.
6. You know how every Woman has that one deep dark secret; I have two.
7. I suck at giving advise - seriously, seriously slit your wrists suck at giving advise.
8. I wish I was confident enough to speak what's on my mind.
9. I am severely self conscious and I am my biggest critic.
10. Its the little things that makes living worthwhile.
11. I loved him then, I love him still, Always have always will.
12. A lot of people think I'm "stuck up", which is quite the opposite.
13. I'm not as strong as I used to be; I'm not sure where that person went, but I'm on a constant journey to find She.
14. I'm ridiculously shy.
15. I love being alone, but hate to be lonely.
16. I have so many regrets and what ifs about that one relationship that slipped away.
17. I have to get rid of my "greeny eye monster" its draining me emotionally.
18. 35 is rapidly approaching and that scares me.
19. When will it be my turn for love to find me, my kids need a father figure and I desperately need a companion.
20. I would like to think that every time he thinks of me a smile touches his lips.
21. I'm not a dog person or a cat person, or an animal person for that matter.
22. Feels like I'm stuck in a rut.
23. Everyday I am thankFull. I can go through life saying I didn't always have it all; but at no point did I have nothing.
24. I wonder if my name sake song is telling me if I look close enough I'll be able to see what it is I'm meant to see.
2. Being a Mother is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had to do.
3. I'm constantly terrified of "screwing" my kids up.
4. I have to remind myself that every one has their demons to battle, my battles are so tiny to what some people go through.
5. I am addicted to Twitter; you can say so much in 140 characters.
6. You know how every Woman has that one deep dark secret; I have two.
7. I suck at giving advise - seriously, seriously slit your wrists suck at giving advise.
8. I wish I was confident enough to speak what's on my mind.
9. I am severely self conscious and I am my biggest critic.
10. Its the little things that makes living worthwhile.
11. I loved him then, I love him still, Always have always will.
12. A lot of people think I'm "stuck up", which is quite the opposite.
13. I'm not as strong as I used to be; I'm not sure where that person went, but I'm on a constant journey to find She.
14. I'm ridiculously shy.
15. I love being alone, but hate to be lonely.
16. I have so many regrets and what ifs about that one relationship that slipped away.
17. I have to get rid of my "greeny eye monster" its draining me emotionally.
18. 35 is rapidly approaching and that scares me.
19. When will it be my turn for love to find me, my kids need a father figure and I desperately need a companion.
20. I would like to think that every time he thinks of me a smile touches his lips.
21. I'm not a dog person or a cat person, or an animal person for that matter.
22. Feels like I'm stuck in a rut.
23. Everyday I am thankFull. I can go through life saying I didn't always have it all; but at no point did I have nothing.
24. I wonder if my name sake song is telling me if I look close enough I'll be able to see what it is I'm meant to see.
SHE and I.....
SHE knows how to love on the inside
while in a fog of emotion I can do nothing but idolize
SHE no longer yearns to please
while I dumbly wear my heart on my sleeve
SHE wears that entrancing smile
While I lock my jawbone to create the illusion that I am HOSTILE
SHE dances in the rain
while I drown in the pain that causes it to rain
SHE dangles her royalty above her success
while I stab at my guilt, double over in pain and finally confess
SHE loves to love
While having a heart I fall short of
SHE watches me bleed with a glass of empty eyes and shame
I hold her heart with MY hand even though we are one of the same
SHE laughs with those who use her appearance as a weapon
while I corner my abuser clench my fist getting ready to teach a lesson
SHE is the girl inside of me that I wish I could completely be
Written by Renita Sykes
SHE knows how to love on the inside
while in a fog of emotion I can do nothing but idolize
SHE no longer yearns to please
while I dumbly wear my heart on my sleeve
SHE wears that entrancing smile
While I lock my jawbone to create the illusion that I am HOSTILE
SHE dances in the rain
while I drown in the pain that causes it to rain
SHE dangles her royalty above her success
while I stab at my guilt, double over in pain and finally confess
SHE loves to love
While having a heart I fall short of
SHE watches me bleed with a glass of empty eyes and shame
I hold her heart with MY hand even though we are one of the same
SHE laughs with those who use her appearance as a weapon
while I corner my abuser clench my fist getting ready to teach a lesson
SHE is the girl inside of me that I wish I could completely be
Written by Renita Sykes
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
(if only women paid as much attention to their boobies like men did)
for the month of October I will wear my "pink ribbon" with pride and as a reminder of how very fortunate I am ...
#NowPlaying: Zhane, Crush
"...there was one thing that I failed to show him, I love him and he doesnt know"
#nowPlaying: Fantasia, Whenever I see you
".. Never know when ya might walk by so I gotta be right on time"
#nowplaying: Wale ft Marsha Ambrosius
"...every day that goes by is a couple more lines in her diary"
LOVE! Maybe it's because I came across one of my diaries from High School and I still catch myself writing in one now ... Nothing like looking back to see how much you've changed and how you've opened up to life's possibilities.
LOVE! Maybe it's because I came across one of my diaries from High School and I still catch myself writing in one now ... Nothing like looking back to see how much you've changed and how you've opened up to life's possibilities.
345 Pride
When will this madness end on this sleepy little island that time forgot? Five people dead and One injured in less than 10 days.
#nowplaying; Take Me as I Am - Mary J. Blige
".. She has no regrets She accepts the past All these things they help to make she"
Time (haiku)
naked wrist feels fine / somewhere my watch counts the hours / no time to worry
*patiently waiting*
*patiently waiting*
I didn't think I could possibly list 100 random different things, but I did ……
1. hugs
2. kisses
3. spending quality time with family
4. conquering a fear
5. reading
6. cooking
7. dancing
8. butterflies
9. motivating others
10. dessert
11. volunteering
12. seeing others happy
13. traveling
14. writing
15. flowers
16. watching the sun rise
17. walking on the beach
18. receiving encouraging words from others
19. praying for others
20. making others smile
21. completing an assignment
22. looking at old pictures
23. thinking about good times
24. receiving a compliment
25. watching the sunset
26. the smell of lavender
27. a huge mug of tea
28. hearing someone say that they love me
29. painting my toenails
30. wearing my hair obnoxiously curly
31. smiling
32. a smell that takes you back to somewhere special
33. going to the movies
34. going to the park
35. reading poetry
36. reading the Bible
37. jusbreathe
38. going to concerts
39. black & white movies
40. belly aching laughter
41. strawberry’s
42. watermelon
43. re-runs
44. vanilla milkshakes
45. sitting on the beach reading magazines
46. Disney World
47. Mexico
48. SWEET TEA!!!!
49. omelets
50. a different language
51. dreaming of moving to Paris
52. greasy cheese fries
53. exercising
54. going for long walks
55. vibrant colors
56. turtles
57. browsing libraries, bookstores & art galleries
58. the smell of a new car
59. oatmeal cookies
60. craft festivals
61. cupcakes
62. cooking
63. cheesecake
64. Dunkin Donuts coffee Coolata
65. eyes
66. massages
67. dates
68. holding hands
69. genuine conversations
70. listening to my elders talk
71. scary movies
72. fun accessories
73. reading fashion magazines
74. playing with makeup
75. flying alone
76. knowing that someone is thinking of me
77. "I miss you" texts and phone calls
78. leaving handwritten notes
79. lacey underwear panties
80. big handbags
81. my crazy kids
82. quiet time alone
83. God's revelations to me
84. supporting a good cause
85. quotes
86. big sunglasses
87. peace
88. restful sleep
89. red wine
90. "Good Morning" texts and phone calls
91. Anything blue, purple, yellow or green
92. cozy sweatshirts and sweaters
93. high heels
94. holding hands
95. notebooks
96. tattoos
97. jeans worn with cotton t-shirts
98. tall men with great smiles
99. harmony
100.
1. hugs
2. kisses
3. spending quality time with family
4. conquering a fear
5. reading
6. cooking
7. dancing
8. butterflies
9. motivating others
10. dessert
11. volunteering
12. seeing others happy
13. traveling
14. writing
15. flowers
16. watching the sun rise
17. walking on the beach
18. receiving encouraging words from others
19. praying for others
20. making others smile
21. completing an assignment
22. looking at old pictures
23. thinking about good times
24. receiving a compliment
25. watching the sunset
26. the smell of lavender
27. a huge mug of tea
28. hearing someone say that they love me
29. painting my toenails
30. wearing my hair obnoxiously curly
31. smiling
32. a smell that takes you back to somewhere special
33. going to the movies
34. going to the park
35. reading poetry
36. reading the Bible
37. jusbreathe
38. going to concerts
39. black & white movies
40. belly aching laughter
41. strawberry’s
42. watermelon
43. re-runs
44. vanilla milkshakes
45. sitting on the beach reading magazines
46. Disney World
47. Mexico
48. SWEET TEA!!!!
49. omelets
50. a different language
51. dreaming of moving to Paris
52. greasy cheese fries
53. exercising
54. going for long walks
55. vibrant colors
56. turtles
57. browsing libraries, bookstores & art galleries
58. the smell of a new car
59. oatmeal cookies
60. craft festivals
61. cupcakes
62. cooking
63. cheesecake
64. Dunkin Donuts coffee Coolata
65. eyes
66. massages
67. dates
68. holding hands
69. genuine conversations
70. listening to my elders talk
71. scary movies
72. fun accessories
73. reading fashion magazines
74. playing with makeup
75. flying alone
76. knowing that someone is thinking of me
77. "I miss you" texts and phone calls
78. leaving handwritten notes
79. lacey underwear panties
80. big handbags
81. my crazy kids
82. quiet time alone
83. God's revelations to me
84. supporting a good cause
85. quotes
86. big sunglasses
87. peace
88. restful sleep
89. red wine
90. "Good Morning" texts and phone calls
91. Anything blue, purple, yellow or green
92. cozy sweatshirts and sweaters
93. high heels
94. holding hands
95. notebooks
96. tattoos
97. jeans worn with cotton t-shirts
98. tall men with great smiles
99. harmony
100.
Ancient lovers believed a kiss would literally unite their souls, because the spirit was said to be carried in one's breath. I've always thought a kiss was so personal ... which is why I didn't kiss him the first time, I made a mistake and took it all in this time around, now I'm hooked, like bees to honey ...
damn.
damn.
I woke up, took a look in the mirror, then brushed my Smile on ...
had a hot shower, lotioned me down with Faith ... stepped into my Confidence ...
Pulled back my hair, touched up my Spirituality, then ran off to begin my day ...
I am all I need to be!
I am what I'm supposed to be!
I am FINE, fine, fine!!!
had a hot shower, lotioned me down with Faith ... stepped into my Confidence ...
Pulled back my hair, touched up my Spirituality, then ran off to begin my day ...
I am all I need to be!
I am what I'm supposed to be!
I am FINE, fine, fine!!!
wReckless
[Woman:] You make me sick to my stomach. This whole arrangement of…
[Man:] What arrangement?
[Woman:] That I do accept what you tell me and there’s nothing more.
That I aid you in the business you conduct and pretend I don’t now what that business is.
[Man:] I don’t recall you ever saying no to anything I put in front of you.
You make a little noise every now and then to remind me what a good person you are but a good person wouldn’t be here right now.
[Man:] What arrangement?
[Woman:] That I do accept what you tell me and there’s nothing more.
That I aid you in the business you conduct and pretend I don’t now what that business is.
[Man:] I don’t recall you ever saying no to anything I put in front of you.
You make a little noise every now and then to remind me what a good person you are but a good person wouldn’t be here right now.
3 months later ....
... At this moment, I am content. I am enamored with having myself back. I am feeling free, and not because of some man and his emotional responses. No, it's not that at all – It is how safe I'm feeling simply in being a human without criticism or negative reactions all up in my environment.
I’ve been reconnecting with the simple pleasures of life that I had lost sight of while attempting to nurture someone's insecurities and forgetting to nurture my own soul.
I’ve been reconnecting with the simple pleasures of life that I had lost sight of while attempting to nurture someone's insecurities and forgetting to nurture my own soul.
Ivy Walker: When we are married, will you dance with me? I find dancing very agreeable. Why can you not say what is in your head?
Lucius Hunt: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you, you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night.
~The Village
Lucius Hunt: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you, you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night.
~The Village
“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)
#nowplaying: Kelly Price, I'm Sorry
I'm sorry that I'm leaving
I'm sorry that I stayed
I'm sorry that I ever let you treat me that way
Why are men so stupid sometimes?
... because God gave them nuts between their legs and I am convinced that insufficient circulation down there causes a whole host of deficiencies ...
Friday the 13th
According to wiki, the fear of Friday the 13th is called friggatriskaidekaphobia (Frigga being the name of the Norse goddess for whom “Friday” is named and triskaidekaphobia meaning fear of the number thirteen), a concatenation of the Greek words Paraskeví or paraskevidekatriaphobia (Παρασκευή, meaning “Friday”), and dekatreís (δεκατρείς, meaning “thirteen”) attached to phobía (φοβία, from phóbos, φόβος, meaning “fear”). The latter word was derived in 1911 and first appeared in a mainstream source in 1953.
*Happy Friday the 13th, hope you have a lucky day*
You are AAaamazing .... Just the way you are
This morning I woke feeling extra special! on my way into work Bruno Mars' song "Just The Way You Are" was playing each and every time I hear that song I have that warm fuzzy feeling like he's singing it to me.
I can tend to over emphasize the negatives and get caught up in what's not right, but I'm a pretty amazing girl when I really sit down and think about it!!!
I hope you realize that YOU too are amazing!
I can tend to over emphasize the negatives and get caught up in what's not right, but I'm a pretty amazing girl when I really sit down and think about it!!!
I hope you realize that YOU too are amazing!
Fantabulous FriDay
I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's gray and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love
Have a wonderful weekend
Series of miracles
Today is nothing less than a miracle. Your life is even more of a miracle.
Feeling the warm sun on your face seems like such a simple thing. And yet that simple little experience is made possible by unimaginably complex and profound factors, all coming together in a single moment.
And then, when one amazing moment is finished, another has just begun. Even the most seemingly ordinary life is a series of magnificent miracles, each one following quickly after the one before.
It is all too easy to take it all for granted. And just the fact that you can take it for granted is itself an amazing thing.
You can never fully appreciate all that goes into the wonder in which you’re immersed. And because of that, there is no limit to how much you can treasure it all.
Even when you are continually thankful, there is always more for which to be thankful. Even when you know you have it good, you don’t ever fully know how good you have it.
Celebrate the miracles that come in every moment within the overall miracle that is your life. And as each moment falls away, there is another one for you to celebrate.
— Ralph Marston
Today is nothing less than a miracle. Your life is even more of a miracle.
Feeling the warm sun on your face seems like such a simple thing. And yet that simple little experience is made possible by unimaginably complex and profound factors, all coming together in a single moment.
And then, when one amazing moment is finished, another has just begun. Even the most seemingly ordinary life is a series of magnificent miracles, each one following quickly after the one before.
It is all too easy to take it all for granted. And just the fact that you can take it for granted is itself an amazing thing.
You can never fully appreciate all that goes into the wonder in which you’re immersed. And because of that, there is no limit to how much you can treasure it all.
Even when you are continually thankful, there is always more for which to be thankful. Even when you know you have it good, you don’t ever fully know how good you have it.
Celebrate the miracles that come in every moment within the overall miracle that is your life. And as each moment falls away, there is another one for you to celebrate.
— Ralph Marston
I like that I can talk with you,
and you seem to adore it.
I like that I can tell you,
exactly how I feel.
I like that you don't,
look at me in that confused kind of way
when...
the thoughts are running through my mind,
and I can't seem to find...
the right thing to say.
Ooh this feels nice.
Our easy conversation...
~Jill Scott, Easy Conversation~
and you seem to adore it.
I like that I can tell you,
exactly how I feel.
I like that you don't,
look at me in that confused kind of way
when...
the thoughts are running through my mind,
and I can't seem to find...
the right thing to say.
Ooh this feels nice.
Our easy conversation...
~Jill Scott, Easy Conversation~
*things that make me sad*
Broken Promises - whether in the heat of passion, in the calm of a moment, or even a sideways glance of a comment. If someone says they’re going to do something, be somewhere, or mean whatever. I hold them to that. I really should stop.
If you're not married ..... you're single .....
Relationship blogger Life Skills has alot to say about single women in relationships ... the following is a snippet of what he says ...
“The real problem with women in relationships is that they are doing marital acts with their man and they are not married. Examples of Marital Acts:
*Keys to the apartment
*Laying up under each other for hours at a time
*Putting things in each other’s name and you are not married (Cars, Cell phones, etc)
*Sex without a condom
*You call him your hubby or wife. (Bad words for a relationship is MY Wifey, MY Boo, MY anything. If you are not married to it, it’s not yours…)
*You are playing house. (i.e. Cleaning up their house, cooking etc...)
*Moving in or shacking up. (Why would you move in with someone without getting married? Don’t assume that just because you will move in with this dude, he’ll eventually marry you. )
*When you do these type of marital acts, you are giving a person the opportunity to use you up. They are getting the most out of you already so “why would they marry you?”.
*dude is on to something … why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free*
when will i get married?
You are 36% close to marriage!
You are near to making the cut but not quite there yet.. See a councillor, read some books or anything then come back to try again.
When will you get married?
Take More Quizzes
*ouch, guess I have alot of growing to do*
currently reading: Little Earthquakes by Jennifer Weiner
I've recently read two books by Jennifer Weiner. In her Shoes and Good in Bed, now I'm on Little Earthquakes definitely something to write home about. I've gotten into the book so quickly, its something that I could definitely relate - adjusting to life as a new mother. So far a very refreshing read.
think she's going to be on my to read author other books written by Jennifer Weiner
Fly away Home
Best Friends Forever
Certain Girls
The Guy Not Taken
Good Night Nobody
think she's going to be on my to read author other books written by Jennifer Weiner
Fly away Home
Best Friends Forever
Certain Girls
The Guy Not Taken
Good Night Nobody
35 Things I Want to Do/Experience before I Turn 35
1. Try parasailing at least once
2. Become debt free, except for a mortgage/car loan
3. Have at least three months salary in a savings account
4. Start a savings for the boys that will equal their ages
5. Visit Las Vegas
6. Visit Mexico
7. Visit Europe, anywhere in Europe
8. Go on a Disney Cruise with the boys
9. Run/Walk a 5K
10. Sponsor lunch for a child in need for one school term
11. Have a standing monthly get together/dinner/game/movie night with family
12. Be comfortable enough to wear a bikini at the beach
13. Volunteer/Become active in at least one charity
14. stop giving a flying fcuk about what others think
15. Attend a NBA Basketball Game
16. Get involved in a sporting activity
17. Learn another language (or at least start)
18. Purge my closet and donate the clothes
19. Get a new wardrobe
20. Learn to swim
21. Buy a bicycle and ride 3 miles
22. Watch a ballet
23. Ride a horse
24. Read all of the books written by my 3 favourite authors
25. Spend New Years Eve in another Country
26. Visit a Museum
27. Memorize one bible verse a month (Proverbs)
28. Learn a new word daily
29. Do something randomly nice for one person a month (secretly)
30. Take a risk
31. Buy a House
32. Become a blood donor
33. Get my tattoo removed
34. Buy myself a piece of real jewelry
35. Get married
1. Try parasailing at least once
2. Become debt free, except for a mortgage/car loan
3. Have at least three months salary in a savings account
4. Start a savings for the boys that will equal their ages
5. Visit Las Vegas
6. Visit Mexico
7. Visit Europe, anywhere in Europe
8. Go on a Disney Cruise with the boys
9. Run/Walk a 5K
10. Sponsor lunch for a child in need for one school term
11. Have a standing monthly get together/dinner/game/movie night with family
12. Be comfortable enough to wear a bikini at the beach
13. Volunteer/Become active in at least one charity
14. stop giving a flying fcuk about what others think
15. Attend a NBA Basketball Game
16. Get involved in a sporting activity
17. Learn another language (or at least start)
18. Purge my closet and donate the clothes
19. Get a new wardrobe
20. Learn to swim
21. Buy a bicycle and ride 3 miles
22. Watch a ballet
23. Ride a horse
24. Read all of the books written by my 3 favourite authors
25. Spend New Years Eve in another Country
26. Visit a Museum
27. Memorize one bible verse a month (Proverbs)
28. Learn a new word daily
29. Do something randomly nice for one person a month (secretly)
30. Take a risk
31. Buy a House
32. Become a blood donor
33. Get my tattoo removed
34. Buy myself a piece of real jewelry
35. Get married
nowplaying: Right to be Wrong - Joss Stone
I've got a right to be wrong
My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown...
1st 10 songs on my shuffle
1. She got her own Neyo
There ain’t nothing that’s more sexy than a girl that want, but don’t need me
2. That’s the way love goes Janet Jackson
Like a moth to a flame Burned by the fire My love is blind Can't you see my desire
3. Believe Lenny Kravitz
If you want it you got it You just got to believe, Believe in yourself
4. Love me better Kelly Rowland
maybe I'm crazy for thinking that you were gonna change or maybe it could just be me am i not loving you the same?
5. On my mind Daville
This love is real and I don’t wanna fool myself, it belongs to you and no one else
6. He Heals me India Arie
He heals me, he knows the real me, and he accepts me, he never hurts me
7. pepperPot Sean Paul
any which part you walk you got me caught you a di top my pepperpot
8. Picture KidRock Ft. Cheyrl Crow
Since you’ve been gone my world has been dark and gray
9. Be without you Mary J. Blige
Anybody who’s ever loved, ya know just what I feel, too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
10. Russian Roulette Rhianna
If you play, you play for keeps
There ain’t nothing that’s more sexy than a girl that want, but don’t need me
2. That’s the way love goes Janet Jackson
Like a moth to a flame Burned by the fire My love is blind Can't you see my desire
3. Believe Lenny Kravitz
If you want it you got it You just got to believe, Believe in yourself
4. Love me better Kelly Rowland
maybe I'm crazy for thinking that you were gonna change or maybe it could just be me am i not loving you the same?
5. On my mind Daville
This love is real and I don’t wanna fool myself, it belongs to you and no one else
6. He Heals me India Arie
He heals me, he knows the real me, and he accepts me, he never hurts me
7. pepperPot Sean Paul
any which part you walk you got me caught you a di top my pepperpot
8. Picture KidRock Ft. Cheyrl Crow
Since you’ve been gone my world has been dark and gray
9. Be without you Mary J. Blige
Anybody who’s ever loved, ya know just what I feel, too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
10. Russian Roulette Rhianna
If you play, you play for keeps
nowplaying: Down on Me, Jermih ft. 50cent
"If I do not fit, I'm gonna make it, Girl, you can take it, don't stop, get it, get ...." ahem - LoL -
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
~Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
~Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
Strawberry and Banana Parfait
Ingredients
3/4 cup sliced strawberries
1 (6 ounce) container vanilla yogurt
1 tablespoon wheat germ
1/2 banana, sliced
1/3 cup granola
Directions
Layer 1/4 cup strawberries, 1/3 container yogurt, 1/3 tablespoon wheat germ, 1/3 of the sliced banana, and about 2 tablespoons of granola in a large bowl. Continue to build the parfait, repeating the layers until all of the ingredients are used completely
*I make this in a to-go cup for my kids to eat on their way to school and for myself as a snack at work! You can use a different variety of fruits and yogurt.*
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
~Kahlil Gibran on Love~
*I want to love and be loved like that.
*
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
~Kahlil Gibran on Love~
*I want to love and be loved like that.
*
#nowplaying: featuring Nate Dogg
Warren G. feat. Nate Dogg, “Regulate”
50 Cent feat. Nate Dogg, “21 Questions”
Dr. Dre feat. Nate Dogg, “The Next Episode”
Ludacris feat. Nate Dogg, “Area Codes”
~moment of silence for a hip-hop legend ... R.I.P. Nathaniel Dwayne Hale (Nate Dogg)~
(August 19, 1969 – March 15, 2011)
50 Cent feat. Nate Dogg, “21 Questions”
Dr. Dre feat. Nate Dogg, “The Next Episode”
Ludacris feat. Nate Dogg, “Area Codes”
~moment of silence for a hip-hop legend ... R.I.P. Nathaniel Dwayne Hale (Nate Dogg)~
(August 19, 1969 – March 15, 2011)
Tsunami Hits Japan After 8.9 Earthquake
My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to those who have been affected by the disaster in Japan. The country was hit with an 8.9 magnitude earthquake last night while we were sleeping .... followed by a massive 20 foot Tsunami, which is headed for Hawaii ..
They say these are the end of days, I don’t know what is. Life is so fragile and can be changed in an instant ... it's too short to bitch and moan ...
Here today gone tomorrow, you never know.
They say these are the end of days, I don’t know what is. Life is so fragile and can be changed in an instant ... it's too short to bitch and moan ...
Here today gone tomorrow, you never know.
What are you giving up for Lent????
(even though I’m not Catholic) I am so determined to eat healthy and become a better me … I am not going to be unhealthy and overweight, carrying around this oversized gut that makes me look like I'm 3months pregnant.
I am going to be that fit hot mom that looks like Nicole Murphy. She's my inspiration 40+ and 5 kids later .. such a hotty, hot, hot .. That will be me. Oh yes, that will be me! (I'm claiming it)
DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! (Smokey voice)
I’m also planning on staying away from Twitter and FaceBook those are my dirty cocktails of choice and I’m so addicted - can you say "intervention".
I am going to be that fit hot mom that looks like Nicole Murphy. She's my inspiration 40+ and 5 kids later .. such a hotty, hot, hot .. That will be me. Oh yes, that will be me! (I'm claiming it)
DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!! (Smokey voice)
I’m also planning on staying away from Twitter and FaceBook those are my dirty cocktails of choice and I’m so addicted - can you say "intervention".
WIFE, WOMAN, FRIEND
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that my beginning was his end. After all, we were just friends. Although in my world I was his girl, so I would pretend to be his wife. Saying sh*t like, "there's only so many years in a woman's life". Right, so I gave him three.
Yet he had the audacity to step to me on this Donnell Jones "I don't know where I wanna be" type sh*t. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He hit me with the forehead kiss. told me life was a journey and he was ready to explore this sh*t, and I was pissed.
To me he was a hypocrite like a fake preacher in the pulpit and he left me sick, and no he didn’t choose me, but that doesn’t make him right nor wrong.
And just because he was the epitome of my life that doesn't make me wrong nor right. Like I said I was his friend and not his wife. And I should've acted within that capacity. And maybe then this breakup would've been "just one of those things". Instead of a f**king tragedy.
And all the time I spent mad at him hell I should've been mad at me. After all I was the one that gave him the key to my house, and Let him hang clothes in my closet just in case we go out. Not to mention washing all his dirty clothes just to make a "full load". And let him finish off all the leftovers just so the food don't go old.
For the times that we raw-dogged cause he "lost all the rubbers". And though I showed him more support than his own father, brother, sister, and mother and just 'cause those same people dial my number when they're trying to stay get touch. And he received mail at my address "cause he be here so much".
Got total control of the remote control to the TV, DVD, and radio And even though his name is not on my lease got sh*t in my house that is off limits to me like his side of my bed and his stash of weed.
But none of this obligates him to me because not once did we exchange vows. And If I knew then, what I know now, I probably would've listened, when he said it was some sh*t that he needed to get out his system. But I was too busy bitchin', jumpin' bad like I was gonna hit him. And in the back of my mind all I could fathom was how much I was gonna miss him. But just because I'm cryin' don't mean I'm the victim, it's just that I was too scared to let him go 'cause some other chick might get him.
And that was my fault, it was my decision I should've never put my heart in my mind's position. But I couldn't shake him--he was like a bad habit. And all this for a nigga that was just average, doing average nigga sh*t Like talking out the side of his neck and thinking with his d*ck.
But, I must admit he's the one I wanted to commit to. Either I wasn't living up to my potential, or I was just the average chick. But I chose to believe that I was a woman caught up in a feeling. Both physical and emotional, who was way too willing to give her all to a man. And though it may sound stupid, guess what? I would do it all again. Just next time for my husband and not a nigga I call my friend.
~I didn't write this..~Dana Gilmore~ did..a respected poet that I love..I wanted to put this up here so other women could read it and maybe learn from it..~
Happy Lately ....
An unexpected sweet text
A great haircut
A book that inspires
Being tickled
Amaretto anything
A run at sunset
Friends that call at just the right time
Remembering who I am
God’s words of truth spoken so timely
The huge smile on my niece’s sweet face
What’s making you happy lately?
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
~William Ernsest Hensley~
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
~William Ernsest Hensley~
Restless night - I had one of those moments where for a nanosecond, everything about me felt a little off. Nothing seemed right. I wasn’t sure who I had become? Or where I was going in life.
I decided to pray. and why not?
I pleaded to him. I laid it all out. I bared my heart and soul.
I saw His smile, I know I saw it. He heard my cry and he absorbed everything I threw at him and reflected it back in the best kind of love you could imagine.
and then, I slid straight towards a serenity of sleep.
When I woke, it was a brand new day, and I was ready for it.
I decided to pray. and why not?
I pleaded to him. I laid it all out. I bared my heart and soul.
I saw His smile, I know I saw it. He heard my cry and he absorbed everything I threw at him and reflected it back in the best kind of love you could imagine.
and then, I slid straight towards a serenity of sleep.
When I woke, it was a brand new day, and I was ready for it.
10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.
~author unkown~
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.
~author unkown~
"Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover? Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labor gave you birth. Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. We have a young sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for?"
~Song of Solomon 8:4-8~
~Song of Solomon 8:4-8~
All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl’s a 10
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful.
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful.
My walk my talk the way I dress
It’s not my fault so please don’t trip
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful
Kerry Hilson, ~pretty girl rock~
No question that this girl’s a 10
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful.
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful.
My walk my talk the way I dress
It’s not my fault so please don’t trip
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful
Don’t hate me cause I’m beautiful
Kerry Hilson, ~pretty girl rock~
Experience has shown me that if you know it’s never coming, or even if you have your suspicions .. take some time to really consider what it is you’re waiting for and the overall importance in your entire life.
I could have saved my heart and mind for some of the most traumatic ‘ish I’ve ever been through.
There are very few regrets in my life, and that mess was one of them. I wish I’d had the sense to stop waiting.
But yet I continue to wait.
#nowPlaying: Kerry Hilson, Energy
"I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy, how do we reverse the chemistry..."
Christian Keyes is such a cutieCute ((yummy))#random
Christian Keyes is such a cutieCute ((yummy))#random
Chances are ...
Chances are, that person who was rude to you on the phone or in the checkout line was really just worried about something in their own life and it had nothing to do with you. Don't take it personally. Brush it off and move on.
Chances are, the person you spend so much time being jealous of and comparing yourself to isn’t who you think they are. He or she is likely to have a host of their own issues now; or they have grown past more hurdles than you can imagine getting to where they are. Just be you and your time will come.
Chances are, that worrying about that problem isn't going to solve it. Seek solutions and take action toward them.
Chances are you will experience a more peaceful and fulfilling life, when you take control of the reigns and live it from the inside out.
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “why would anyone bring home all of his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd”. I had a quiet weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running towards him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him and he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw tears in his eyes.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get a life”. He looked at me and said “Hey thanks!” there was a big smile on his face, It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him were he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to a private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kids before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said “boy you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” he just laughed and handed my half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that had really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, was I jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looked (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat and began “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your sibling, maybe a coach….but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so him Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a smile. “thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.” I heard a gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
~author unKnown~
~we should never underestimate the power of our actions, with one small gesture you can change a person’s life, for the better or for the worse~
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running towards him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So I jogged over to him and he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw tears in his eyes.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get a life”. He looked at me and said “Hey thanks!” there was a big smile on his face, It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him were he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to a private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kids before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said “boy you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” he just laughed and handed my half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that had really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, was I jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looked (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat and began “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your sibling, maybe a coach….but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.”
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so him Mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a smile. “thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.” I heard a gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
~author unKnown~
~we should never underestimate the power of our actions, with one small gesture you can change a person’s life, for the better or for the worse~
Smoothie Recipe (s)
Apricot Pineapple Smoothie Recipe
◦1/4 cup crushed pineapple
◦1 fresh apricot, diced
◦6 strawberries
◦1/2 banana
◦1 1/2 cup water
◦1 tbsp. skim milk powder
◦1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax seed oil (optional)
In a blender, process fruit with the rest of the ingredients. Blend until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Banana-Strawberry Fruit Smoothie Recipe
◦1 banana, frozen
◦6 strawberries, frozen
◦1 1/4 cup water
◦1 tbsp. skim milk powder
◦1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Tropical Fruit Shake
◦1/2 mango
◦2 tbsp. frozen pina coloda mix (or 1/8 tsp. natural coconut extract)
◦1/2 banana, frozen
◦4 strawberries, frozen
◦6 ice cubes
◦1 1/4 cup water
◦1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Banana-Berry Fruit Smoothie
◦1/2 pear, cored
◦1/4 cup frozen blueberries or frozen mixed berries
◦1/2 banana, frozen
◦1 1/4 cup water
◦1/8 tsp. cinnamon
◦1 tbsp. skim milk powder
◦1 heaping tbsp. high-quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Banana-Orange-Strawberry Fruit Shake
◦1/2 cup orange juice
◦1/2 banana, frozen
◦6 strawberries, frozen
◦1/2 cup water
◦1 tbsp. skim milk powder
◦1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.
◦1/4 cup crushed pineapple
◦1 fresh apricot, diced
◦6 strawberries
◦1/2 banana
◦1 1/2 cup water
◦1 tbsp. skim milk powder
◦1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax seed oil (optional)
In a blender, process fruit with the rest of the ingredients. Blend until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Banana-Strawberry Fruit Smoothie Recipe
◦1 banana, frozen
◦6 strawberries, frozen
◦1 1/4 cup water
◦1 tbsp. skim milk powder
◦1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Tropical Fruit Shake
◦1/2 mango
◦2 tbsp. frozen pina coloda mix (or 1/8 tsp. natural coconut extract)
◦1/2 banana, frozen
◦4 strawberries, frozen
◦6 ice cubes
◦1 1/4 cup water
◦1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Banana-Berry Fruit Smoothie
◦1/2 pear, cored
◦1/4 cup frozen blueberries or frozen mixed berries
◦1/2 banana, frozen
◦1 1/4 cup water
◦1/8 tsp. cinnamon
◦1 tbsp. skim milk powder
◦1 heaping tbsp. high-quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Banana-Orange-Strawberry Fruit Shake
◦1/2 cup orange juice
◦1/2 banana, frozen
◦6 strawberries, frozen
◦1/2 cup water
◦1 tbsp. skim milk powder
◦1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
◦1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.
Don’t miss your boat!
There was a guy drowing in the ocean. He prayed to God to save him.
A few minutes later a boat came and offered to pick him up and take him to shore. The drowning man refused and the boat left.
Another boat came and offered to save the man and he said no thanks, and the boat left.
Finally a third boat came and said I can help you. Once again the drowing man said no.
When he died he said to God: I trusted you. Why didn’t you save me??
God said: I sent you 3 boats!!
A few minutes later a boat came and offered to pick him up and take him to shore. The drowning man refused and the boat left.
Another boat came and offered to save the man and he said no thanks, and the boat left.
Finally a third boat came and said I can help you. Once again the drowing man said no.
When he died he said to God: I trusted you. Why didn’t you save me??
God said: I sent you 3 boats!!
notes to self
•Never go a day without love and happiness. Life is too short not to be happy. The less I worry about life, the less I have to worry
•Don’t be in a hurry. Marriage will come, family will come, money will come. In its own time, enjoy where I am right now.
•Friends don’t hurt. Surround myself with things that are uplifting and also to be uplifting to others. Heaven in your heart brings peace to your mind.
•Don’t be in a hurry. Marriage will come, family will come, money will come. In its own time, enjoy where I am right now.
•Friends don’t hurt. Surround myself with things that are uplifting and also to be uplifting to others. Heaven in your heart brings peace to your mind.
Celebrate Self
Don't just accept your flaws, celebrate them! She's beautifully cracked, but never broken.
A woman who doesn’t know her worth will put up with anything
I’m not sure who coined that phrase but they sure hit the nail on the head. This is not even necessarily about man/woman relationships, this is relationships in general. You will accept poor treatment from friends, family, co-workers, in addition to likely not taking care of yourself properly.
The thing is, you show people how to treat you. If you do not see fit to take care of yourself, then neither will other people.
When you treat yourself as if you are special, important, priceless, beautiful, and rare then others will know no other way to treat you. More importantly, those that don’t will not phase you because your sense of worth does not come from the retail value that someone else has placed on you.
Your value now comes from within.
#nowPlaying: Kerry Hilson, Pretty Girls Rock
We walk confident and act like we LOVE ourselves, even if sometimes we have "one of those days." We are not egotistical thinkin' we can do what we want and get who we want... but we do walk tall and proud. We are beautiful and lovable because we work and dream hard. Pretty Girls ROCK!!!!!
Eat Pray Love ... moment
"I think I deserve something beautiful."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
my 2011 mantra
Grant me the strength within to love all living things and to make a positive impact on all I encounter today. May I attract positive people and circumstances to me that I may be more effective in my undertakings. May no one be too important nor too unimportant to greet with a kind word.
I seek the strength to live completely in love, as I release my fears. I grant forgiveness for all I hold against myself and for all I hold against another. May I be a tool for healing in the world. I ask for the fortitude to be the embodiment of selfless harmony to the extent I am able today.
I will be generous with my time, resources, and myself to the best of my ability without resentment or reluctance. For I know that what I give others I give to myself as well.
I seek happiness, peace, and freedom from suffering today. As such I wish it for all other beings as well. I am thankful for all that I have been given. I am especially grateful for the beauty and harmony that exists all around me, if only I am willing to see it.
Finally, I seek a patient acceptance as events unfold in my life. Help me to see the big picture and not get bogged down by unimportant details. I understand that all my experiences are chosen by me at some level for my benefit. Thus, I seek to understand, to learn and to open myself to every wonderful possibility.
Amen
~Author Unknown
I seek the strength to live completely in love, as I release my fears. I grant forgiveness for all I hold against myself and for all I hold against another. May I be a tool for healing in the world. I ask for the fortitude to be the embodiment of selfless harmony to the extent I am able today.
I will be generous with my time, resources, and myself to the best of my ability without resentment or reluctance. For I know that what I give others I give to myself as well.
I seek happiness, peace, and freedom from suffering today. As such I wish it for all other beings as well. I am thankful for all that I have been given. I am especially grateful for the beauty and harmony that exists all around me, if only I am willing to see it.
Finally, I seek a patient acceptance as events unfold in my life. Help me to see the big picture and not get bogged down by unimportant details. I understand that all my experiences are chosen by me at some level for my benefit. Thus, I seek to understand, to learn and to open myself to every wonderful possibility.
Amen
~Author Unknown
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