I used to stretch my body and think of you.
Long enough to feel guilty,
But never long enough to consider anything beyond the thought.
But today, during the sun salutation
When my spine lengthened
Your heat wasn't there.
I had to struggle to summon your memory.
The width of you,
The enclosed feeling I lived in when smothered underneath your laughter at midnight,
Your sweat,
The way your pupils disappear when you smile.
I fought myself to remember you this morning because
I realize that saying goodbye to you means
I have to say goodbye to some of my best memories
My greatest stories
The heartache that inspires my best work
The bitterness that had made me a wonderful mother
Badu's 'green eyes' will no longer evoke sobs
Soul food menus will never make me blush or giggle behind closed eyelids again
I'm closing your door
The one that I had placed a piece of paper over the lock so it wouldn't shut completely
The door I oiled the hinges to so you can sneak back in without notice
This is good bye...
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