#notes to self

“I don’t understand how a woman can leave the house without fixing herself up a little – if only out of politeness. And then, you never know, maybe that’s the day she has a date with destiny. And it’s best to be as pretty as possible for destiny.”


–Coco Chanel

She loves him.

But She doesn’t know how to love.

She can talk about love.

She can see love

She can feel love.

She can make love.

But She can’t give love.

And there is only one place to begin ….




Beginning forever …. Today.

#nowPlaying - Amy Winehouse

We all have 24 hours in a day but we’re promised none.

"you go back to her and I go back to, I go back to black"


".. and though I'm not ashamed but the guilt will kill you if she don't first"


In My Bed.


Stronger than Me.


Tears dry on their own.

She breathes. She mourns. She suffers. A part of her passes away. She rebuilds.  She emerges. Timidly at first. Beautiful.   Free.  Enlightened.  Happiness awaits like a faint light in the distance.  And maybe she even still loves him, but she finally loves herself more.

"Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted." - Garrison Keillor

You pack all your moments in the bottom of your suitcase and cover them with your memories.

sarcasm much

What next?

“Oooh! I know, I know! May I have some more disappointment and pain?
and don’t forget the stress and anxiety, please.”

Lately I've been struggling, Spiritually and Emotionally. I have been thinking of what path I should take or the path that I am currently on – where is it leading me?




Hopefully I will soon find a balance.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life..."




- Elizabeth Gilbert, "Eat, Pray, Love"

I'd do anything for you, I'd stand out in the rain


Anything you want me to do, don't let it slip away

There's a quiet storm and it never felt like this before

There's a quiet storm, I think it's you

There's a quiet storm and I never felt this hot before

It's givin me somethin that's taboo

~ The Sweetest Taboo, Sade

A woman's loyalty is tested when her man has nothing .. A man's loyalty is tested when he has everything!

He holds on to the moments they spend together.  He watches her open up and then shut down.  Her inconsistency makes him want her even more.  Something about her attention makes him feel super human, so he savors whatever she is willing to give.  Deep down, he knows that she will never be his.  So for as long as he can, he has decided to be where she needs him to be.  It’s just a duty to her that he can't explain.

Motherhood is a task that at times does not seem equal to the super powers that I possess. It is a blessing, an honor, a cherished responsibility, a wondrous experience - but it can be overwhelming, challenging, and downright bone-wearying tired. It demands everything every second of the day. There are times when I feel like I've run out of anything to give. but in those moments God gently reassures me that they have a Heavenly Father who loves them to infinity and beyond. He will strengthen me and guide me as I raise my children in the knowledge of Him.

It seems like my birthday will be spent sending up prayers of thanks, eating lots of cake, reflecting, planning and preparing for good things to come for the New Year

Thank you, God, for giving me another year of life. Thank you for all the people who remembered me today by sending cards, and letters, gifts and good wishes. Thank you for all the experience of this past year; for times of success which will always be happy memories, for times of failure which reminded me of my own weakness and of my need for you, for times of joy when the sun was shining, for times of sadness which drove me to you. Forgive me for the hours I wasted, for the chances I failed to take, for the opportunities I missed this past year. Help me in the days ahead to make this the best year yet, and through it to bring good credit to myself, happiness and pride to my loved ones, and joy to you. Amen.

I pick up pieces of me - piece by piece part by part. Tomorrow a new day will unfold, Tomorrow - I will play a new part.

I once knew a little boy that used to be so happy, prayed everyday, believed in himself and no problems. I once knew a little boy (that I don’t know anymore) he’s clothed in pain, drowned in tears and heartbreak and filled with self pity. Sometimes, I wonder if you ever pause to take a deep breath.

#nowPlaying: Hello Fear, Kirk Franklin

"hello Fear before you sit down, there's something I need to explain"

This woman across the aisle from me at the Supermarket aggressively pulls her cart up to the line with two energetic, little boys in the cart. She is mumbling things under her breath and she moves a piece of hair back into her pony tail and throws her purse over her shoulder. I could feel the tension in the air.


She reaches into her cart and tosses down a box of Tampax and some donut holes.


I couldn't help but laugh in my head I so badly wanted to look her in the eyes and say, "this too shall pass," but you never know what could come back in return.  So, I chose to remain silent.   It was borderline sitcom material ... I should know because I've been there before.