The Ice Melts

My purpose is to live my most delicious life possible. My life is a gift and what I do with it will be my gift to life in return. I am a new woman today and the best is coming right now.

I am extraordinary. Previously I suspected this fact, but I know it now to be the unmistakable truth. I AM SO BEAUTIFUL---'tis I know!~
I exist for a reason.

I am reborn today, and again tomorrow. I cast off victim-hood and walk forward into a blindingly bright future filled with fulfilled promise. Kindred souls who recognize this new me may join me on this journey. Those who fear this change may watch. I see my dreams and goals already fulfilled and I claim them. And so it is, as for this I am so grateful.

"I do not propose to write an ode to dejection, but to brag as lustily as chanticleer in the morning, standing on his roost, if only to wake my neighbors up." my homie, Thoreau

Today’s Torture Tomorrow’s Laughter

Sitting in a crowded room
She's surrounded but unseen
Smiling with her eyes
She's laughing to mask an inner scream.

AT LAST

I am

: Speaking positive

: Dealing with my issues regardless

: Going to ignore the silent "I can't" and continuously shout "I CAN"

: Not talking about him

: Walking away

: Not going to worry about money

: Free to let go of past disappointments and hurt

: Not focussing on what I do not have or what I did not do

: Stopping to see the real beauty in me

: Not obsessing over my stomach, butt, breasts or thighs

: Proud to be me

: Creating my own destiny

: Sexy



Can I get an Amen "-)

in these moments when it's hard to breathe when words are caught in my throat and my chest is tight with tears when shaving my head and lighting a cigarette all seem like good ideas when my own fabulousness eludes me there is nothing to do and nowhere to go and i just sit in it hazel eyes and all.

I want to change my way of thinking. I refuse to believe that my best years are behind me. Starting today I refuse to live with regret of what I could have accomplished “back in the day”.

All that matters is today, and today I care.

When I really think about it...

It's me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence.

~Paula Cole, "Me," This Fire

Light skin gurls cry too – by Aulelei Love

I usta dream about being dark skin..

the kinda dark skin that would shine when I put vaseline on my knees

I wanted to be "black and beautiful" with "dark and lovely skin" sweeter berry juice complexion

because light skin little gurls are only pretty

in the eyes of boys and old folks

who tell you to shape babies noses so it won't be too wide

I know that I was never really pretty

I just had pretty eyes, pretty hair, pretty skin tone

and "pretty gurls like you shouldn't cry"

but I did

I cried for two weeks straight

then on and off for 17 years

and a couple of hours before and after

when some boy took my pretty with him when he left

so he could have bragging rights at corner dice games

becaused mixed gurls were worth double points

but who was keeping score

when I had to fight black hands to prove I was black enough

I usta wish I was dark skin

so I could walk peacefully at night

without fear of finding razor blades across my face

cutting out the "that bitch thinks she's so fcuking pretty" in me…

I get tired of being light skin

tired of running and smiling and proving and trying not to be "too pretty"

while trying to be pretty enough and black enough and woman enough

and when will enough be enough?


Fcuk beauty

Mountains don’t scare me. The LACK of mountains scare me

"I have learned that it is OK for me to be me, and what being me entails. It means that I will not rest; I will not sleep, relax, relent or be satisfied until my goals have been met, the challenge answered and all my doubters silenced. I will not give in to my foes; I won't let down my teammates. I won't stop inspiring those who look up to me or stop giving motivation to those who motivate me. I will not back off until I'm back on top, back in the place where they said I could never be again. Mountains don't scare me. The LACK of mountains scares me. The climb up, the struggle for every inch of ground and every level of ascension is what feeds me. I welcome that challenge. I welcome that chance to be fed because no matter what no matter how hard, how far, or how many stand in my way, I remain determined. "
- Kobe Bryant

thankFull for the alarm that goes off at 5:00 in the morning - that means I'm still alive

Slow down and jusBreathe

Too many of us are so busy juggling families, careers, setting up businesses, pursuing the higher education thing, and many more of us are fighting it out, to earn that extra dollar and reach the unatainable milestone. Busy busy bees we are.

When do we stop being busy worker bees, and relax take a chill pill? The question of the moment is why should we slow down since this has become a way of life for all of us the norm, the way that we expect things to be. Everyone is struggling to make it better for themselves and for those who have children, struggling to make it better for them, etc., etc., the cycle goes on every day, day after day. 

We need to just stop and unwind, don’t think about what you didn’t accomplish, yesterday, the million and one things that have to get done tomorrow just live the very best you can for today and treasure each and every moment to the fullest.

Like I alwyas say I'm going to shout it out loud Life is short, nothing lasts forever. Do what you want or do what you do best. Cherish your family and friends. NEVER hold back. Say what you think. Live each day without regrets. Be inspired or motivate others. If you say you are gonna do something, then do it. Don’t take anything or anyone for granted, because they might not be there if you leave them. Love. Hate. Laugh. Learn and Teach. Get Drunk. Go out. Bust a Move. Be different. Achieve your goals at your own pace. Respect others and yourself. Trust your intuition. Fkn Swear if you want. Dont settle for second best. Live. Accomplish your dreams. and in the end jusBreathe.

She don’t believe in love no more, no more, no more,

She don’t believe in love no more, no more,

She don’t believe in love no more,

But I believe in her

She would call him and before she could say "come get me", he would say that he was on his way.  He was always the perfect escape at the perfect time. She knew that he would see in her what she wanted him to see.  It was so easy to captivate him.  

#nowPlaying: Monica, So Gone

"I'm no rowdy chick .... kick down your doors and smack your chick"

To the one who got away …..

I’m sorry.

My argument, this fight; what I’m going through has little to nothing to do with you or us. I just don’t know how to balance both you and this road block in my life.

I think it would be selfish of me to ask you for time.

Time to sort out this drama that replays constantly in my head.

Time for me to come to terms and eventually put the drama and all the negativity to rest.

Each and every day I try to make some sense of this.

I hope I’m not being out of order by asking you not to totally give up on me

..On us

What can I do to make you see that you’re the only one for me.

I know I’m a jerk and should have known better.

I’m sorry.

I smile

I got the world on my shoulders
But yet I still smile
These trials keep coming
The clouds keep rolling in and the rain is trying to drown me
All it takes is an umbrella and some rain boots
I'll push on
I'll make my way
I look back
Remembering the tears and unhappy days
Now I'm stuck with everlasting smiles
I wont let these tribulations bring me down
Now he's gone
But I need to be strong
The lil soldiers needs me
My lil warriors with hearts of gold
I love them so much
Just the sound of their laughter makes my day
Look at their smiles and my heart melts
Cherish their every being and every breath

The first real love almost destroyed me
But I thank him
He made me stronger
He made me open my eyes and understand
It was all there in front of me but I was too blind to see
Misunderstanding, misled by misconceptions of the world
Now I'm on top
Smile when you see me
I'll smile back
Second chances
Second loves
Second mistakes
But all and all, it was good
Another experience to make me stronger
Another memory to add to the memory bank
Cherish his love, cherish his being
Another part of me
Another chapter closed

Now comes the future
What will it hold for me
What will evil try and throw in my path now
I am ready and I am willing
Feet stuck in the ground, I'm not moving
I am here to stay
Living my life til my dying day
and until that day

I SMILE

...the saga continues..:

I am on an adventure and a journey through the unknown ... take a walk with me, won't you ...

New Beginnings

I'll think of this as the voices in my head *my likkle online diary*